My friend Rob shared this joke with me when he learned of Wilma's woes and her $tay at the Emergen$y Veterinary Ho$pital.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the duck's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, the duck has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something. I want a second opinion"
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet led the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but like I said, your duck is most definitely, 100% certifiably ...dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$10,000!" she cried. "$10,000 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, what did you expect?"